


Normalcy

by iArgent



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bulimia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Really freaky mental state, References to Cutting, Self Harm, Threesome Relationship, and my torture Edo phase, christ this is from my angst phase, out of control OCD, this is horrible but here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:06:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iArgent/pseuds/iArgent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Edo hadn't handled everything as well as he should have? What would his life have been like? What if he was constantly trying to mold himself into something...normal?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Normalcy

**Author's Note:**

> A transplant from my FF.Net account.
> 
> It has been a while since I even looked at this so there will likely be mistakes, I'm sorry.

Home. He liked home, quiet.

Edo Phoenix waved happily towards Judai and Sho as they walked away. He smiled and turned to the yachts door humming a tuneless cheerful tune. The door opened, and the moment the door closed behind him the music abruptly stopped. The smile fell from his face and he seemed so exhausted.

He began stripping his clothes before he reached his bedroom, holding each article carefully as to not cause anymore filth on the carpet. It was bad enough he lived here.

He threw the clothes in the hamper, and continued on to the bathroom in nothing but his boxers, looking at himself in the mirror and trying to restrain an emotional outburst. He remembered each word of arrogance and condensation that was expected of him in the pro-leagues. It wasn't him. He was crafted into this, and he knew it. He hated that he couldn't stop.

He opened a drawer on the counter, revealing about twenty new toothbrushes. Time to clean.

He carefully unpackaged one, running the brush and paste under scalding water. He had never been able to stand hot things, they burnt his skin and mouth horribly. Time to remove all that he'd said today. Brushing until his gums bled from abuse he started with the mouthwash, the sting bringing tears to his eyes. He was breaking, slowly.

Shower. He thought, shower next. He removed his remaining article of clothing and stepped in. Turning on the hot water only and feeling today's grime burn away.

He hated meat, the flavor, the smell. This wasn't odd. Ryou didn't like meat, thus he didn't eat it. But after so many years of the D beating it into him that normalcy was needed, he forced down the tangy bitter substance in whatever form was needed. He had done so today. He needed to rid himself of it, leaning over the toilet after his shower, he did just that. Abusing his mouth again with the toothbrush later.

And in these moments after returning home, he hated himself.

* * *

He also hated sunlight. Edo decided, looking at the morning rays that shone on him when he woke. But he couldn't block them out. That was unnatural, he would deal with it. He all out assaulted his chores for the morning, pulling all the few dishes he had from their cabinets and washing them in hot water and bleach. It was amazing his skin hadn't began peeling off yet. Then he remembered that sometimes it did.

He scoured the counters and cupboards and replaced the dishes in their spots, before vacuuming and dusting everywhere. Washing all the clothes in the hamper, which was just what he'd worn last night, then began his abusive cleansing ritual, like he often did four times a day. Scrubbing his teeth and skin until they bled, and nearly causing welts from the scorching heat on the already sore skin. He contemplated his morning ritual.

He hadn't eaten yet, so he didn't need to throw up, but the very blood that ran through his veins was dirty. But he couldn't show the marks on television, it was abnormal. And he had an interview today, and a tendency to talk with his hands.

He opened a small drawer in the bathroom counter again and grabbed some skin lotion. It was made with some form of color, to disguise the gaunt thing that was once an adolescents face. He put in contacts he didn't need to disguise the failing color of his once aquamarine eyes. And decided today, he would wear black.

A black silk turtleneck and a pair of silk pants. He hated denim.

He combed his longer hair, down to his shoulders now, the one thing he wouldn't change, one act of defiance against normalcy. It had once been a silver silky curtain. Nowadays, it was steel grey and felt like straw. He looked at his hands for a moment, the once unblemished pianist fingers looked red from the cleansing of the dishes, a pink instead of the former un-pigmented skin. He was snow white and healthy looking once, he mused, like Ryou, Jun, Asuka and Sho with their darker complexions. Now he was grey.

He put on a pair of shoes and gloves and boarded the helicopter for the mainland several minutes later.

* * *

Jun and Ryou were supposed to partner with him during the upcoming tri-duelist competition on Duelist Kingdom. The island had re-opened and it was, naturally being sponsored by Industrial Illusions. He needed to find a way to back out. Four weeks with two other people would expose the cuts, bruises, abrasions and scars.

They were asking interview questions. Inane things, personality questions, then they would ask him about the competition. He would answer, then plead illness later and find a different competitor to sub for him, maybe Judai?

"Mr. Phoenix, what's your favorite color?"

Edo plastered on that odd smile, far to wide to be his real, small grin. "I would have to sayyy, blue?" Ending the question with a naïve questioning note at the end. The perfect lie, his favorite color was black, but that was to dark for the silver star of dueling.

"Your favorite food?" The reporter had mentioned she loved dealing with one as charismatic as he. Such a shame it was all a decaying lie.

"Chicken." He said without hesitation, he could tolerate chicken more than say, beef. Though he preferred grapes.

"What do you think of your teammates in the tri-duel? One of them is only an academy student."

He bit his lip, he hadn't planned on that question, he wanted something more vague. He knew Jun was competing because his brothers had pushed him, Ryou felt like hell and was trying to regain status…But he needed to be arrogant, that's what these people expected.

"Ryou isn't a match for me, but I'm sure he will be useful." He began in an offhand tone when the reporter started to look concerned. "And Jun…Has moments as a great duelist, he might make it big someday, I look forward to crushing him."

"Thanks you for your time!" The reporter chirped

And Edo felt low, Ryou was a wonderful opponent, and so was Jun, both had it hard and he really held nothing against him. If not for his borderline hysteric need to win, he would lose easily to either of them.

* * *

Someone was knocking on the door. So Edo dutifully rose and answered. It was Jun.

"Can I help you?" So condescending, he hated it.

"You can tell me what your problem is." Jun snarled and then Edo was confused. Hadn't he been relatively kind in his assessment of Jun?

"Huh?"

"You look dead." Ryou deadpanned. Strange, he hadn't noticed him.

Edo narrowed his eyes "I don't know what you're talking about." He snarled as the two men forced themselves past him into his sanctuary and tomb.

"I, for some reason, like you" Ryou stated "And you look like death."

"I do not!"

Jun took his chin in an tender hold as he pushed him down on the couch. "Edo" He said softly in that hoarse voice of his, it reminded Edo of crushed velvet. "You are eighteen and I am only nineteen, Ryou is twenty-two, none of us need to go through whatever you're doing."

"I don't understand." Edo protested weakly.

"Your eyes are clear, your skin is grey, and you look like you're emaciated, and your hair feels so damaged I don't know what you've been doing to it. Edo, what have you been doing?"

Ryou returned from his impromptu inspection. "The kitchen smells like beach and there's blood in the sink in the bathroom." He said grimly.

"He's tiny Ryou, what do we do?"

"Feed him. What do you want Edo, I'll make you something."

"I don't know, toast?" Really how had he let that slip, it should have been bacon or sausage or eggs or something other that toast, which felt like all he could handle right now.

"I can do that." Ryou nodded

Jun looked at Edo for a moment before rising and closing the curtains.

"Why did you close them?"

"You were cringing away from the light…" What had happened to him?

"It was fine."

* * *

Edo never got a moments peace after that morning. One or both of the two were always there.

Jun and Ryou were involved, he had noticed, by the way they looked at each other and spoke. He wondered if this is why they were so cold in public, they were protecting the other one.

He had noticed that Jun's hair was as long as his, but much better taken care of. And he noticed that he hadn't made food for himself in the week they had invaded his house. He hadn't eaten meat. They had known he didn't like it somehow.

His bleach was thrown out, as were all but one of the toothbrushes. He hadn't been permitted to shower himself. His face still lit with an odd heat at that, he refused to delve into those feelings, they were unnatural.

His skin looked healthy again and his hair was its natural color once more, his eyes grew more vibrant. Why would they do all this for him?

The answer came one night when Jun had stumbled into his bedroom, the man had never gained his sea legs.

"How are you feeling?'

"Better, as I am every night. You can leave." Because if they didn't they would resent him, and he didn't think he could handle their hatred.

Edo felt the bed dip like someone had sat down on the edge. He noticed the usual leather pants that Jun and Ryou so favored. Maybe he would try them sometime. His thought was cut short when Jun tilted his head upwards to see the other mans glimmering silver eyes.

"We're not leaving, Edo. Ever, if you'll let us get away with it."

Edo had just enough time to wonder what that meant when he felt Jun's lips on his. It was new, but definitely not unpleasant. After the short moment of intimacy Jun kissed is forehead and stumbled to the guest room. Edo watched, amused at the other man.

Then he pulled himself from the bed and abused his mouth as he hadn't since Ryou and Jun had started looking out for him.

Unnatural.

* * *

Jun couldn't figure what had happened, he and Ryou had discussed showing Edo why they were there for him. Edo hadn't objected to the kiss, so why was there blood in the sink again?

"Edo, wake up." Jun said, gently shaking his shoulder.

"Mhmm?" Edo blinked for a moment "What do you need?' He asked politely, so formally it made Jun cringe.

"Do you dislike me?"

Where was this coming from? Of course he liked him! "I don't dislike you. Why?"

Jun continued directly to the next question "Are you attracted to me or Ryou?"

Edo blinked, heat coming to his face, shame that he had been put in this situation, embarrassment that apparently something was wrong. He tried desperately to lie, and found he couldn't, he was broken now. "N-n-n-n…yes." And he laid back down and hoped the dark room would kill him. His quest for normalcy had failed.

"Then why did you hurt yourself last night?" Jun asked softly

That's what this was about! " It's unnatural to like other men that way." He said as if everyone knew it, and knew he'd given the wrong answer when Jun pulled back, stricken, with hurt in his eyes. "Isn't it?" His chest tightened, maybe he didn't care?

"It's not, unnatural." Jun said vehemently "it's okay."

And with that, a dam opened, and soon Ryou was there, and Edo was explaining why he had done everything.

By the end of it, he was shaking and both Ryou and Jun had curled their arms around him. He fell asleep that night knowing that both sets of lips had touched him tonight. And he felt no desire to clean.

* * *

" **AND THE WINNERS OF THE TRI-DUEAL COMPETITION ARE:….RYOU MARAFUJI, JUN MANJOME, AND EDO PHOENIX!"**

It was a happy moment, he hadn't expected the hug and kiss from Jun or Ryou's arms around them both. The audience hadn't either. Some turned their backs, most didn't. And maybe, Edo thought, it was okay.

He found himself thinking the same thing a few short weeks later, curled in a sweaty nest with Jun grasping him from the front, and Ryou from the back. Jun's breath tickling his throat and his inky black hair hopelessly tangled like Edo's own. His sleeping face relaxed Edo, who had found that both of his new companions really only wanted to make him happy, and that both had skin like silk. He liked sleeping with Ryou's arm over his waist like this. He was content.

He didn't eat meat, he hated sunlight, he liked black, hated denim, and had bad days where he wasn't the big star, he just wanted to be with Jun and Ryou and now, to help avoid stress, dueled with a new series of custom made dragons, to distance himself from what he was expected to do.

He would try very hard to hold on to this contentment. He was far to comfortable to let it go.

And as he fell asleep, making a mental note to eat standing up, he realized that nothing he was doing was wrong. And when Jun and Ryou pulled him closer to them, unconsciously moving closer to each other, he finally realized what love was.


End file.
